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AfterLife

the Purple & the Gray

Posted on 2010.10.05 at 19:59
i am: restlessrestless
head-banging to: The Spill Canvas - Self Conclusion
when the white light starts to fade
from the corners of your eyes
when the only thing you remember
are the things you tried to hide
to savor for one last breath
within the meaning of our scars
don't save a candle for revenge
inside a worthless broken heart

start again at the beginning
and let trust not be the last
to fight against an eternity
all just to forget the passed
don't ever go to reason
and don't stay inside the lines
i've held my head down long enough
to believe i'm owed the lies

the purple is what comes
when you've been blue for too long
before you turn black
before you're all but dead and gone
it's when the music starts to fade
from life's beautiful but cold song
it's when everything's not right
but yet nothing is wrong

the gray is the in between
between the darkness and the light
when you wish the sun would go away
inside a neverending night
when a world of people hear you scream
but no one hears your cries
when you just wish the day would end
but you'll never see the sunrise

so here's to the purple and the gray
to who forever lost their truth
here's to the sons of the damaged
here's to the children of the used
we will march out to the drums
of the beaten and the scarred
and we shall sing to the anthem
of our broken halfway hearts

AfterLife

Nothing Says Pain Quite Like A Smile And A Hug

Posted on 2010.07.12 at 14:41
i am: restlessrestless
head-banging to: Brand New - Degausser
i woke up again today ...
it's a habit i'm trying to break
my world view falls quite short of blessed
it's not best to be awake
i can't remember my dreams anymore
maybe i just block them out of me...
maybe they're of you ... ...
maybe that's why i talk in my sleep

and when the day grows long
if you ever want to see ...
i'll be there at the end ...
(i'll be there but they won't see)
and promise me, if i could give you my heart
i'll give you everything inside of me that hurts
cut out all the bad parts, like a bruise on a peach
cut them all out ...................
you can make-believe i'm your dream

i'll hide them away ...
so when you're done ...
i can put them back ... ... ...
(put them back where they belong)
and all the beauty in all the pain
and all the lies in all the world
cover it all up ......................
go on, cover up the hurt ... ...
before beauty in the scars is why they invented sweatshirts

and i don't believe in heaven pain is shed
nothing is simple ... not when everyone's dead
crawl into me, bleed all the things you have bled
i'll take you away on the wings we have shed
and if you throw me away ...
throw me away up sooo high
(for the farther i fall ... the longer i have to feel alive)

AfterLife

My Greatest Lie

Posted on 2010.07.12 at 14:40
i am: forgotten
head-banging to: Story of the Year - Swallow The Knife
smile ... ...

... come on, you can do it ... ...

it's the only thing that matters now ...

... ... ... just a little while longer now


... soon everything will be okay

... ... whatever the hell that means ...

guess it doesn't really matter anyways ...


but they don't need to know ... ...

push yourself up
you have to, ... you just have to ..

soon ... ... (cracks a smile **finally**)

it'll be all over now ... ...

... it'll be all over


... ... ... they will understand

... ... ..... ... ..... ... ... ... ..... ..... .. ... ... .....

...

... so smile :)
and keep this in your head
weight's the hardest thing to swallow
so just let it be instead
you're taught to believe in yourself
and to not believe in lies ...
how the fuck am i supposed to do both
you can't when you're the lie
irony's something people really don't understand
something people really don't see the humor in
not when it's a morbid sense of humor
the punchline is that life always gets you in the end
and if love is god, then god is really dead
they say it's the in betweens, not the cold truth that it softens
but in the end you'll always end up alone
even people married for 75 years get buried in two separate coffins
no one really wants to see the things that bleed inside your head
no one really wants to hear, but they're taught to say they do
'cause no one really knows how to respond, no one really knows how to fix shit
if they knew the answers there wouldn't be times when they need friends too
but everybody's so smart, everybody has their little inspirational lines
everybody knows the things to say ... the things to say to just get by
so we won't feel like it was our fault, so we can all sleep at night
so we can say we did our part, so we won't blame ourselves if they die

so smile .................... ...... .......

... and don't ever let them see ... ..


just tell them what they all hope to hear, tell them you're okay

... and they'll all smile and walk on by

... ... ..... and they'll all just let you be

AfterLife

why i fall for you ...

Posted on 2010.07.12 at 14:36
i am: drunkdrunk
head-banging to: Bullet For My Valentine - Tears Don't Fall
the lights are dim now
i can't even begin to tell you how much i hate this place
shards of everything i once was float before my eyes
like a kaleidoscopic reminder of how i felt inside
but i love not having any ties
i love the fact that my apathy is my greatest guise
still people shouldn't wonder what's beneath these eyes
but you did, why do i hate that you hear my cries
i don't understand you sometimes
it's like having two people fight over a lie
you say you don't give a shit and then keep fucking trying
keep it in the air and then kick me when i'm dying
why do i feel like i'm the one to blame
i hate this so much, you don't even know how much i hate this
the problem is that i really don't
i've wanted to tell you so many times but i just won't
it's like peices of a puzzle that just won't fit together
there's nothing you can do to make them fit any better
i just don't want to be thrown back into the box
so i figured you would maybe understand if i was lost
i don't fucking care, i don't fucking care, i don't care
i care so much it makes me want to die
but only when you turn away, i can't let you see me die
my entire life i've wanted to be free
but apathetic and alone is not what i perceived
apathy implies a level of complacency invovled
who the fuck am i kidding, i'm not complacent at all
i just want to stop hurting inside
and everytime i see you i feel like i've died
but it's not your fault by any means
besides you can't listen to my head or see inside my dreams
because if you could that would not be a good thing
then you'd see that i'm not cold at all
and that everyday when i watch the sunset i'm thinking of you
that evertime i get to drunk to remember i still see your face
and that everytime life gets too hard
the thought of friends like you keep me pushing for more
because maybe i love you, but i would never admit it
and this isn't even rhyming anymore but i don't give a shit
'cause if i don't say this now i probably never will
my world is a paper-mache windchime
and you're the one who lit me on fire today
these burn marks are from you
these scars are yours, so please take them back
because they've punctured me deeper than i'll ever tell you
and the fact that i am jealous and i do get scared
i can't make sense of or figure out any of this
i just don't know...
but i guess it really doesn't matter, because you never will

AfterLife

Ode to The Corrupt

Posted on 2010.07.12 at 14:34
i am: betrayed
head-banging to: In Flames - Sober & Irrelevant
turn off the lights
and move slow
there's things in here
you don't want to know
you're in my world now...

break me down
if it makes you feel good
and you laugh with your friends
as well as you should...
for soon you'll be here...

no more blue skies
no more smiles to know
the pain you caused and mock
will soon become your own
but unlike you i won't be laughing...

for i've far from plateaued
i'm a wreck because of you
but you won't know
i swear i'll never let you
let you know just how far gone i really am...

i can never be like you
and when you get here alone
i won't be laughing
for i'll be so far gone
i'll be farther down than you will ever know...

and when life picks you back up
remember what it was like to be lost & found
so the next sucker you send here
you'll think twice before you kick him while he's down
think before you smile at his misery...

save the best for last
keep the shit inside
hope for things uncertain
and believe every single lie
trust me you don't want to know...

if you really knew what went on down here
i think it'd make you cry
you don't have the stomache for it
you don't know what's really behind a sigh
but you can smile and laugh away...

but my biggest regret...
the thing that most plagues me
is that on the day when your smile finally fades
i won't be there to see...
for where i'm going i can never come back from...


AfterLife

my (Quiet Place)

Posted on 2010.07.12 at 14:32
i am: ashamed
head-banging to: Paradise Lost - All You Leave Behind
What if i told you of a place
a place where everything was beautiful
where everything had a purpose
and everything was perfect for you
well, i would be a Liar
for i have never seen such a place
but i do know somewhere...
where we can go to escape
The trees & fruit are rotten
but we've had too much of sweet
and we have so many things we hide
to tell each other as we (sleep)
for i am in no way perfect
but maybe i'm perfect for you
and i will never be as beautiful...
(but i am beautifully used)
So rest easy beside me here
under an imperfect sky
we will wait until we awake
for Tomorrow we will learn to fly
and if we fall down here
i know that we'll be okay...
fuck the lovely fields of wavy green grass
(mud is much softer anyway)

AfterLife

In Dreams They Come

Posted on 2010.07.12 at 14:29
i am: coldcold
head-banging to: Underoath - Writing On The Walls
today i saw a picture of a never-ending sea

the way the water tossed and turned

reminded me of things that used to be

the little silhouettes of beams of light

as they faded from the day

moved as if they knew they were

about to be whisked away

by the same darkness they had so valiantly overcome

just precious little hours before

and maybe just maybe all because

they know that they shall overcome it once more

and it made me think upon this hope

and how it sickens me the least to say

for i feel like the very darkness in wait

everyone so fervently tries to wash away

so when you breathe a breath of this air

and so beautifully easy you make it seem

i'll watch for your light in the dead of the night

in this my constant waking dream

for in dreams they come my open fears

a riddle within the pain

on the blackened sea of fallen tears

i'll sail away again ...

The Ravenous

King of (The) Fallen

Posted on 2010.07.12 at 14:23
i am: enviousenvious
head-banging to: The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus - Your Guardian Angel
... Now i sit alone here

in this sea of fallen stars ........

Everyone here's Broken ...

... Everyone has Scars .....

i've found found the ones who needed hope
and gave them something i didn't have

i found the ones who couldn't smile
and showed them how to laugh ...

One by one i let them

step upon my head to be free

pushing them into a place

just beyond my reach

and Now i sit alone here .....
...............

floating ... in these murky depths

Who Will push me up??

because of me (there's no one left) ...

...................................................

maybe i'll try to swim awhile ...

maybe i will just sink .....

i know that if all else fails

(I can always Go and Drink)

... .....
or maybe i'll just do
what i have always done before

and just wait for the next group to fall

... So i can Save some more

AfterLife

Masquerade

Posted on 2007.09.21 at 14:30
i am: indescribableindescribable
head-banging to: 30 Seconds to Mars - From Yesterday
m-oments in time, just fragments of this
a-ll i ever had has been torn from my wrist
s-easons change but not seasons in hell
q-uestions still arise and i'm still under your spell
u-ntie these binds, free me from myself
e-verytime it breaks i have remembered what i felt
r-esting within the most beautiful poison apple
a-ll my dreams becoming too much for me to handle
d-own inside my wall's apart, i still feel all of these
e-verybody knows but they just do not care to see

AfterLife

the darkness

Posted on 2007.03.07 at 01:25
i am: angryangry
head-banging to: Ulver - Hallways of Always
the days just keep going by again and again
living life on a ledge while i am my best friend
depression strikes hard but it can't take my breath
although down inside i know i've got nothing left
my face cracks a smile through the thickness of my skin
and my head's held up though i don't know where to begin
and i'll say i'm alright and i'll pretend with the rest
but look into my eyes and see the vastness of my depth
for the ledge that i stand on is not one over a street
it's one over the darkness of the hole inside of me
and if i jump it won't be to try to forget all the pain
for if i step off this ledge i will remember it all again
so i'm falling into myself and without any words i shout
i'm screaming without a sound what no one cares about
and the days just go by all over and over again
so close your eyes tight and you will see where i begin


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